Good-Byes Are Different Part 2

It was hot outside, about 106 degrees. It is often very hot in Phoenix in the summertime. We were packing up the belongings of Bud, Diana and their family. Shipping them off to Pennsylvania where they hope to begin some new organic churches. Bud and Diana moved here about 10 years ago from the place they were returning. Bud and Diana have meant so much to the organic church we are all a part, ValleyLife Church. Bud is an elder here and has been for almost all of his 10 years with us. Diana had been my office assistant and a major energy in helping to organize our children's time when we met corporately. In the process of packing them up, Diana had some coaching type questions for me so we stepped out of the boxes, cleaning and crying that was taking place inside to the hot openness of the backyard. We found a corner of shade and talked. After Diana had asked her questions and our conversation was waning, I looked her in the eyes to tell her how much I appreciated her, loved her and would miss her. My eyes were swelling with liquid and my heart was breaking. Diana returned some comments that will always mean so much to me. She shared some thoughts that I might have guessed were in her soul, but once they were spoken - when they left her mind, flowed over her vocal chords and hit my ears - I was blessed and curious at the same time. I'm guessing Diana might have felt the same encouragement and curiosity when she heard me tell her my appreciation of her. The curiosity is the same as with my saying good-bye to Jerry a few weeks ago when he passed away. Why do we often wait to share our deepest hearts with those we love and appreciate until good-byes? It is still baffling me. I've even thought about it over the past 2 weeks when I've been in conversations with those I love and appreciate - and I still don't let down the walls of vulnerability with how I feel as I did with Jerry and Diana, Bud, Jeff and Becky- another beloved couple who moved to Georgia. I really don't have the answers to my questions yet - maybe I never will. It did (does) feel wonderful to know how much Diana, Bud, Jeff and Becky have loved and appreciated me. It feels great to hear how their lives are forever different because of our relationship. I know my life is better because of being loved by them and being able to love them. I've cried with these folks, sought God's will with them, had deep discussions and have even been wounded together by the choices and words of people we loved. Maybe you can't always (maybe even often) tell those close to you how deeply you feel for them. Maybe the good-bye moments are designed for truer and deeper feelings to come forward. Maybe I don't want to express my deep love for people too often for fear that they will not receive it, or continue to return it, or be scarred away and I'll be left hurting. Maybe, probably, I should love deeply and recklessly, letting others know how I feel and experience the roller coaster of loving others well, leaning on the ever loving arms of Jesus. I don't want to say good-bye to good friends anytime soon, but I do want to tell them how much I love them.