Good-Bye's are Different

Why is it that good-bye's are different? I'm pretty sad these days because I've had to say good-bye to a friend and two families (they are my friends too :-). I'm not afraid of sadness or the pain of relationships but the good-byes seems to draw out things that I wish would have been said and experienced much earlier on in the relationship(s). I met Jerry about 11 years ago. We were drinking coffee together and pontificating the issues of life. We were both hanging around a group of 20 somethings (I was in just 40 and Jerry was approaching 60) learning from each other and enjoying the relationships. Jerry and I would end up spending the next 11 years doing coffee, lunches and dinners - often with our wives with us. Our conversations roamed from the writing of novels (which Jerry completed,)to Theology to psychology to good food and other oddities. I thought I would have to say good-bye to Jerry about 3 years ago when he had a massive heart attack, but that only made him more stubborn! Alas, a few months ago Jerry found out he had cancer in his lung and bones. The cancer took his life in early August. I was at his bedside hours before he died. His beautiful wife, Bette and her sister Clo were there as I spent some time with Jerry. He was mostly cognoscente and together we sang some old songs about Jesus, heaven and the cross of Christ. In the past, Jerry and I would talk about faith and hope. Jerry was a self-proclaimed 'convenient Christian'. I asked him what that meant and he said that he called on God when he needed to. After we sang some songs together at Jerry's deathbed, I read some Bible verses. Many of them were requested by Bette. I choose a few to read myself. They mostly had to do with death, victory and how we can know without doubt that we will be with Jesus. I ended by sharing with Jerry 1 John 5:11-13. I then got close to Jerry's face and I asked, "Jerry, do you know for sure that you will be with Jesus. Does Jesus live in your heart Jerry?" He shook his head in the affirmative and I rest in that. Is it foolish to rest in that shake of the head...I rest in that. I then, tearfully said good-bye to Jerry. I shared my love for him, my admiration of him and my hope for him. I shared some of the things that he taught me and how his life had influenced me in wonderful ways over the past decade. With tears streaming down my face, I held my frail, pain filled friend and prayed with him. Then I left. At 2:00am the next morning, I received a call from Bette telling me that Jerry had just died. I pulled on some pants, dabbed some gel in my hair and went to be with Bette and hold her. My question with saying good-bye to Jerry is, why didn't I say the true things about Jerry to him while he was healthy? Why did not I choose to encourage his spirit when we could still gaze into each other's eyes with mutual admiration? Why at good-byes does a seemingly deeper connection take place? I'll share about the other two families I had to say good-bye too in a few days.